Precious Little Sleep

My mom got me this book about baby sleep. It talks about how it works and how to make sure your baby gets enough of it. It's really readable, and I read/skimmed all of it in two days. 

I've had the book for longer than these two days but started reading because I got worried. On Friday, Parley was so awake. It really felt like he was awake all day. He was fun and cute, but I was sure he was so tired. The book said he should have a nap every 45 minutes to 2 hours at this age and that he's not going to just fall asleep by himself. He needs help. He slept amazingly that night. I got 8 hours of sleep and felt like a new woman. 

(Nikki gave Parley his first piano lesson.)

Saturday I was determined to help him get good sleep. I didn't do too much different though, but he seemed like he was asleep the whole day. Though, a lot was in short chunks. Anytime after 10am that I set him in his bassinet, even if he was already dead asleep, he woke up crying. But he slept again as soon as I picked him up and sometimes fed him a snack. And he slept a lot in his car seat when we walked his dad to the RB and back. 

(The book also talked about reflux, which we think Parley might have. It recommended keeping him upright 20-30 minutes after eating. This was honestly most of his sleep today. Upright is a cozy spot.)

On Saturday, the book started talking about independent sleep and sleep training and how if a baby can fall asleep by themselves it will change both of your lives forever. And that it's hard but worth it. It also says the younger you start the better. It gave lots of ideas of how to sleep train, but the first step was to lay your baby down sleepy but not asleep yet and then leave for 15 minutes and just see what happens. The book said that a lot of babies will fall asleep. It said to start at their normal bedtime, which recently for Parley is around 11pm.

I was scared, and as I was feeding him for the last time before 11, I decided not to do it after all. But then he got so sleepy but not quite asleep yet and I was praying about how much I love him and want to do what is best for him, and I just did it. 

Now I know what a mother bear feels like. And how my mom feels.

The book said to leave the room, but I couldn't bear it. He screamed and cried, and I sang to him and touched him without picking him up. He kept screaming and crying. He had little breaks, and I got hopeful, but he always went back to screaming and crying. I hated it. Really, really hated it. He has a few hours most evenings where he cries inconsolably no matter what I do. I also cry during that time more often than not. I just hate when he's sad. And now I was doing it on purpose!

As soon as my 15 minutes was up, I picked him up and fed and cuddled him. He fell asleep quickly, slept in his crib for 15 minutes, ate and cuddled some more, and then slept in his crib for 2.5 hours. The time before his big sleep gave me lots of time to think about what I had just done. 

I googled when to start sleep training. One site said it was dangerous to start at 2 months, though a few sites said 2 months was old enough. Most everything says to start at 4 to 6 months because babies have the ability to self-soothe by then. I put a reminder in my calendar on September 2nd to consider sleep training again. I don't want to think about it until then. It's the kind of thing you have to do all the way or it won't work, and I don't think either of us is ready. 

I also felt like a mother bear. I was so mad at the book and mad at myself for doing this to my little boy. I know 15 minutes isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but neither is a human standing 6 feet away from a baby bear, and a mama bear would probably eat them for it.

While Parley was sleeping, I went to sleep, too. I had taken a few naps during the day, the last one ending at 9pm, so it wasn't my first sleep of the day. I'm always tired, though, and really good at sleeping. I got in bed and couldn't sleep! I was worrying about Parley-- worried that the book was right and I will ruin his sleep life forever by waiting until September and worried the book was wrong, and I tortured my baby for no reason and he'll have attachment issues or something. And I worried that I wasn't sleeping. 

I realized this is what my mom is talking about! This is likely not the last time I will not be able to sleep because I worry about my kids. I'll worry about how to help them and feel like a mother bear when they aren't happy. And I'll worry about not sleeping.

It was kind of comforting. I changed my shirt cause it was kind of bugging me, and I fell asleep. It's 5:21am on Sunday now, and I feel like all the sleep stuff is going to be just fine after all. :)