Mama Kepford

About a week before Parley was born, I heard the song "Her Little Man" by Jami Grooms. You may recall how tired and emotional being that pregnant made me. I cried quite a bit listening to that song.  It's a song that was made for the groom's dance with his mom at a wedding. It starts with a mom, a week before her baby is born, and she dances with him, holding her belly. Then he's growing up, and they dance at his senior prom. And the last verse is dancing together at his wedding. It's a tender song. The second time I heard it, I cried again. I would play it a lot while I was pumping in the hospital. It's a cheesy song, but I love it so much because it brings out how special it is to have a little boy and that he grows up so fast.  My little man is growing like crazy! It feels like most of his life, he is either asleep or eating. Well, now he also has time just awake, not hungry. He has the biggest gray/blue eyes that look all around. I feel like he wants t...

Sister Johnson is in the Provo MTC right now! I wonder if she's on the top bunk. I wonder if she was able to eat the Cannon Center like food for dinner, or if her stomach was still too nervous.  I got to see Lina and most of the rest of my family three days in a row this week before she went into the Provo MTC. It was so nice to see them. I miss them all already and am re realizing that I love them pretty intensely. Since Lina is the one who is just starting her mission, I'll focus on her in this post.  On Monday was Lili's Bridal Shower. I offered to give her a shower months ago. When I offered, I was thinking about how much I love Lili and how it would be great fun for her to have a shower in Provo. I wasn't thinking about how, even though my family does this sort of thing all the time, I have never been the party planning type and actually have no idea what I'm doing. I also thought about but didn't realize the realities of have a 2 month old baby at the same...

Peggy is very wise, and with a baby present for Parley, she gave me this poem: Cleaning and scrubbing Will wait for tomorrow For babies grow up We have learned to our sorrow  So hushabye cobwebs  Dust go to sleep I'm rocking my baby And babies don't keep.  As evidence that this is true, we went to the doctor and found out Parley's weight yesterday. He's 8.6 lbs!! When he was born, he was only 6lbs. Almost half his weight is added to him again!! And you can really tell. He's gotten so long and chubby and outgrew some of his outfits. He's not keeping one bit.  I've been wrestling with the topic of this poem recently. Our life plan is for Nikki to work/ go to school full time and for me to take care of our kids and the basics of our house (cooking, laundry, cleaning, dishes, etc.) It's classic division of labor and a great plan, but I have not been up for it one bit. Nikki has been a superhero and done more than half the housework, lots of taking care of Pa...

Today is the last day of school at Goshen Elementary School. School gets out at noon with the main event being all the students running through the halls and out the door led by the 5th graders at 11:55. Teachers are exhausted and going to miss their kids but also so ready to be done. Students are excited and a bit hyper. And everyone seems extra happy, and it feels kind of free and easy and like nothing matters that much because it's almost over.  I went to my class's 5th grade graduation yesterday. It was so fun and kind of wild to be at the school and feel all this crazy energy of the last week of school after being out of it for so long. Being an elementary school teacher is a big thing, especially the last week of school. It's such a different world than my life has been for the last 7 weeks, and it was crazy for the two lives to crash together.  There were so many very good people-- teachers, parents, and students. I really love them, and I'm never going to see an...

Everyone, I have wonderful news. My son is a swiftie!! He often gets very cranky in the evening. He screams and cries, and we try everything we can think of to try and figure out what is bothering him. Well, in the midst of that phase tonight, I had My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys in my head. I often get that song in my head around him because I call him "my boy," and the song starts with "Oh, here we go again," and Parley and I do a lot of repetitive things. Anyway, Parley was extremely grumpy, and I played that song and danced with him. He got so peaceful and just looked around the whole song. A minute after the song was over, he started crying again. I couldn't be prouder of my boy's taste in music. 💕 We also discovered he is a BYU football fan today. It seems both his parents are indoctrinating him. :) 

I've been feeling a bit trapped. I'm tied to my boy pretty tightly because he needs to eat so often. And even when he's not eating, he needs to be held and burped and have his diaper changed continuously. I wish I could sleep for 9 hours straight. Or even 3. I wish I could go running or to the temple. I want to play the violin and go on a hike and visit graves with the family on Memorial Day. I want to wash the dishes, clean my house, cook, and go to the bathroom whenever I want to, with both hands.  On my mission, my mission president, Jeff, taught us about freedom. He told a story that his cousin had to practice the piano and take piano lesson while he didn't. Jeff felt so free cause he could do whatever he wanted while his cousin was trapped at the piano. But now, years later, Jeff's cousin has the freedom to play the piano. He can play any song he wants without even needing music. He can play for church, at concerts, or just for fun. Or he can choose not to play...

Parley is 6 1/2 weeks old now, and the past week or so, he's settled into some patterns. I know our life is going to continue changing drastically as Parley gets older, but I don't want to forget the rhythm of our life right now.  On good days, I stay awake for the day around 8am. Nikki watches Parley while I take a bath. We love to go on a walk every day. It's usually around 11am. We give Parley a bath around 5pm. I try to go to bed for the night around 7pm. Besides that during the day I do things from my chair. Parley eats pretty often throughout the day, and he's been way more awake and loves to be held. So I have great snuggles with him plus doing things like finding an apartment, working on thank you notes, fixing my irb application, etc. from my chair.  I try to go to bed at 7pm, but it usually doesn't work. For a few hours sometime between 7 and 11:30 pm, Parley is usually very hungry and very sensitive. He eats and eats and screams a lot, and we try so hard ...

On my mission, I remember so clearly a few times when something really incredible happened-- we started teaching someone who was ready and eager for the gospel of someone we were working with made powerful changes in their life. Afterwards, my companion and I were amazed and so excited. But I was surprised that we weren't at all jumping up and down excited. I felt pretty quiet and just marveled that I got to be a part of something so special. It felt sacred.  Today was like that. Being a mom is a sacred experience, and today I really felt it. It was a good day, but nothing too crazy. I got more than 6 hours of sleep which makes a huge difference for me. Nikki was around all day, and we just talked a lot. He got the email that he is officially accepted to FSU, and he got out his FSU hat and Parley's FSU outfit to wear while I read the email aloud. It was special. I got a few things done I've been wanting to do. Mostly I just fed and snuggled Parley over and over.  We've ...

This is hard. Really, really hard. I couldn't do it alone. But, luckily, I'm not alone. Today was extra hard. I didn't sleep a ton and felt tired and grumpy today. We went on a nice walk and looked and Florida apartments and fed Parley a lot but didn't even attempt to do any cooking, laundry, dishes, or thank you notes. At about 7pm, Parley was ravenously hungry, and so was I. He had a huge screaming crying time that lasted hours. I had a big cry too, but it didn't last near as long. I couldn't have done it without Nikki. He cooked and brought me food and held Parley and me as we cried, together and separately. In Rissa's blog, she wrote that in relationships, men bring stability. Nikki was oozing stability and love and that everything is going to be just fine. And it is. Now I'm feeding our sweet boy, and he is acting so gentle and perfect. And I got a little nap! I've been so grateful for all the people in my life. I talk to my sisters and mom ever...

 I love Nikki and Parley more than anything. More than sleep. Or food. Or feeling normal and healthy. Or going to the temple or the chiropractor. Or running. Or teaching. My life has changed a lot since getting pregnant and even more since Parley was born. But it's been so wonderful because there is nothing I'd rather be doing than taking care of our boy with Nikki.  We had big news today. Nikki got an acceptance letter to Florida State University. That's so huge! And I'm really, really excited for a lot of reasons. But I'm also scared. I'd gotten used to the idea of staying in Provo for another year, in our same ward, close to our family and friends and chiropractor, bank, pediatrician, and everything else we know. It felt really comfortable.  But of course Florida is the exact step we want to take for our life dreams. And it will be a grand adventure. When I get real nervous, it helps so much that wherever we go, I'll have what I love more than anything wi...

Today is my mom's birthday! To celebrate, she woke up early after a late night and drove an hour the wrong way after a week of international travel to come visit us. And she brought breakfast. It was so delightful to see my parents and Lina and Hyrum. I love them. The best part was watching my parents with Parley. They are so, so happy to be grandparents. My mom made a beeline for Parley when they got here and made him cozy and walked around with him. My dad gave him a tour around the house highlighting things like shiny vests and the sound of the dryer. Parley is really blessed to have people who love him so much.  I am so blessed to have people who love me so much! Being a parent is crazy. I love Parley him an insane amount, would do anything for him, and already have done quite a bit. My mom stayed with us the week after Parley was born and absolutely spoiled us. She said, "You know how you feel about Parley? That's the way I feel about you." It is shocking to thin...